how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
