I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
