I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
