I seem to have left my pride at pride
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
