Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Welp...herpes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
