Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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