I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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