I want to make a zoo with you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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