you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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