I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
