...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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