The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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