I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
