hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
