I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize