My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
