I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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