Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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