I'm gonna have a badass scar
someone owes me an orgasm
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
