plz talk dirty to me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
