i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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