If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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