your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
