why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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