She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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