At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
