The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
