tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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