theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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