I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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