Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
