i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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