Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
