he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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