I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
