You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
