oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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