Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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