College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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