Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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