i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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