Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
