Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
