I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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