all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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