I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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