I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
