Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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