they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
