did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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