forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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