my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
