Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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