Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
