Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
