Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
