Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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