Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it because I queefed?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
