I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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