oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the liver wants what the liver wants
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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