you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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