Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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