he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
