Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
