his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
