There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
