I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's Friday. Sex?
i would punch a child for taco bell
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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