dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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