she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
