some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
