i wish starbucks made bloody marys
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
