At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
