So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
