what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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