I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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