Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
