this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will pee on everything he values.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
