She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
