I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
