Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I intend to get homeless drunk
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
