I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
kristin has been a bad kristin
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
