You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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