I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
