dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
