i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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