i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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