ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm bleeding and have questions
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
