Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
