onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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