he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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