I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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