He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
